The following article appeared in
"The New York Times", November 22, 2006.
It was republished in "Reader's Digest" in spring 2007.

ADDING IT ALL UP
By Rick Moranis

The average American home now has more televisions sets than 
people – according to Nielsen Media Research. There are 2.73 TV sets 
in the typical home and 2.55 people, the researchers said.
-- Associated Press
-- September 21, 2006

I have two kids. Both are away at college.

I have five television sets. (I like to think of them as a set of five 
televisions.)  I have two DVR boxes, three DVD players, two VHS 
machines and four stereos. 
 
I have nineteen remote controls, mostly in one drawer. 
 
I have three computers, four printers and two faxes. I have three 
phone lines, three cell phones and two answering machines. I have no 
messages. 
 
I have forty-six cookbooks.

I have sixty-eight take-out menus from four restaurants.

I have one hundred and sixteen soy sauce packets.

I have three hundred and eighty-two dishes, bowls, cups, saucers, 
mugs and glasses. 
 
I eat over the sink. 
 
I have five sinks, two with a view.

I try to keep a positive view. 
 
I have thirty-nine pairs of golf, tennis, squash, running, walking, 
hiking, casual and formal shoes, ice-skates, and Rollerblades. I am 
wearing slippers.

I have forty-one 37-cent stamps.

I have no 2-cent stamps.

I read three dailies, four weeklies, five monthlies and no annual 
reports. 
 
I have five hundred and six CD, cassette, vinyl and eight –track 
recordings. I listen to one radio station all day. 
 
I have twenty-six sets of linen for four regular, three foldout and two 
inflatable beds.

I don't like houseguests.

I have one hundred and eighty-four thousand frequent flier miles on 
six airlines, three of which no longer exist.

I have fourteen digital clocks flashing relatively similar times.

I have twenty-two minutes to listen to the news.

I have nine armchairs from which I can be critical.

I have a laundry list of things that need cleaning.

I have lost more than one thousand golf balls. 
 
I have "101 Dalmatians" on tape. 
 
I am missing thirty-seven umbrellas.

I have over four hundred yards of dental floss. 
 
I have a lot of time on my hands.

I have two kids coming home from college for spring break.